Krrish : Movie Review

Krrish: **

One sole reason why I have stopped watching anything that Sanjay Gupta (Kaante, Khauff, Musafr,Zinda) dishes out is because its all blatantly ripped off Hollywood and makes a pretension for being not so by wrapping it all up with swanky music videos. Rakesh Roshan has now entered the very same frame of film-making where chunks of contemporary Hollywood blockbusters get dumbed down and concocted with absolutely nerve-grating 80s style B-grade over-the-top melodrama. But projecting it as a kiddie fare, he’d again rake in probably triple the amount of moolah he did 3 years back with Koi Mil Gaya. And then make another sequel, that’s a concoction of few more Hollywood films dumbed down. And that’s what essentially Bollywood’s come to. What hurts me even more is that the parts of Krrish that can’t be classified under plagiarism are either braindead, or yawningly predictable or so badly directed and so over-acted that one seriously doubts if Mr Roshan’s completely lost it. Yes, the very same film-maker who gave us well-directed, over-the-top but imminently watchable Khudgarz, Kala Bazaar, and Khoon Bhari Maang takes three years to make this outlandish curry of a film, which ends up tasting of nothing at all.

Case in point the film’s first half. Filled to the brim with generic, implausible Bollywood sequences, not a single one of these catches you by surprise. All the characters mouth typical Bollywood lines, do the usual expressions and you can even predict what background score will play at what time. The same silly manipulation and melodrama that keeps the saas-bahu serials TRPs stable for years–its all here, for us to bear. And by us I mean anyone who’s grown out of it. If you are still of an age running in single digits or still discovering Bollywood or suffer from amnesia or oblivious to the fact that Hollywood exists, you probably would lap this all up and deem it as the next big step in Indian cinema’s new age evolution. An opinion that, I, for my rather unfortunate visits down the local DVD library, can’t hold.

Nor can I rate Krrish higher just to applaud Mr Roshan’s effort to make India’s first superhero. Because our heroes never were anything less than superheroes. Pick up any action flick starring anyone from BigB to Mithun to Sunny Deol–they could bash up, fly, leap, jump and still manage to do cross-city runs after trains in film after film after film. So please stop this empty talk of Krrish taking Bollywood to new levels of film-making. This is old Indian wine in a rusty old barrel pasted with a new label that’s translated word-to-word from a Californian wine bottle.

Any redeeming aspects for me then? Well the SFX isn’t quite as bad or as overdone as I had thought they’d be, the toned-down Minority Report interface (added with some bizarre heart-beat scans as passwords–what the hell was that!) and conflict are palpable and Roshan Jr’s physique and agility does lend a streak of believability to almost every Matrix meets House of Flying Daggers scene. He does perform like there’s no tomorrow but its all quite a waste as all he’s really doing from the first to the last frame is trying to infuse life into horrendously written scenes and dialogues. What pains me more is that he’s one of those rare dynamic actors who are capable of giving immense depth to even the most silent scenes (watch Fiza and Lakshya) but all we get to see him do after 2 years of on-screen sabbatical is a circus routine and loud theatrics. If Johars and Chopras brought about the demise of the performer in Shahrukh, rest assured Hrithik’s creative stab will be from within his home.

The rest of the cast goes about the motions mechanically (yes, Rekha and Naseeruddin Shah are asked to do the weepy granny and evil scientist routine to the last cliche, and both of them oblige) but the one who really deserves a mention in every Krrish review is Priyanka Chopra. The mademoiselle manages to fake her way through every scene she’s in and bore us to death in the process. Granted, its a stinking Bollywood-dame routine with strikingly sudden heart changes, but there’s something called an actor’s instinct. Maybe too much to ask from an erstwhile beauty queen but didn’t anyone see the rushes or what! She really amplifies Krrish’s mediocrity as a film, and her scenes with Hrithik could really give you a frostbite. Move over Celina Jaitley, the new ice maiden is here. The soundtrack’s filled with nice vocals but the tunes are ancient. Maybe to accentuate the pretence of small-town Krrish, the songs are the way they are but for someone who couldn’t take the movie, the ditties are going to bring up all the bad memories of watching them on-screen.

As I said earlier, if masala Bollywood potboilers still set your heart racing, you’ll be in for a treat. I had to gulp down two ibuprofens to get over the headache of this three hour long ordeal.

Call me a weirdo!

Now blogging is the last thing I should be doing at this time of the year, but a tag about unleashing the quirky “me” was too good an oppurtunity to resist. So after some hard thinking, I have zeroed onto the “five” weirdest things that even I can’t completely believe are a part of me. Enjoy!

1. Kill-Joy

Nicknamed by every imaginable teacher as a “well-behaved, cultured” student, my 16 years at school saw me through 2 big fights (abnormal I know, but that’s me), but both of them are just too unexpectedly gory (than violent). You can decide which one is more horrible–

a) The one in first standard: A normal argument in the lunch hour with a boy sitting next to me turned into a I’ll-throw-your-bag-if-you-touch-mine challenge. Which led onto me touching his bag. And him throwing mine on the floor. And then I threw his bag in a fit of rage. And while he was picking his books, I actually remember kicking them. Which understandably made him furious and he ran to my side of the floor (where my bag’s contents were still spilled), picked one of my books at random and started tearing a few pages. And this is the worst part–I still can’t believe I did this–but I remember pulling his head upright with both my hands locked into his hair. In fact I pulled so hard that not only did I pull a good bunch of hair but a piece of scalp as well. Although the precise details are fuzzy, I remember the sudden shell-shocked look on the uptil-then chattering class mates. The guy whose head I managed to rip was bleeding profusely and I remember getting busy with pleading to the class fellows around me to pretend as if nothing’s happened (yes, even back then covering my tracks was more important than someone’s life LOL). But two girls had already reported it and I was summoned to the head mistress’ office and a reasonable amount of hell ensued at home as well. I still find the incident weird as it happened when I was all of 6. Maybe I was quite unaware of my strength back then. Although I do vaguely remember getting suprised by the result of my pulling, the fact that I resorted to such an insane way to bring down a person was quite bizarre.

b) A sequel of sorts that occurred seven years later when I again got into an argument with a boy sitting next to me. But this time it started with us suddenly defending our respective territory on-desk with outstretched hands. An accidental breach by the partner led me to poke him lightly on the back of his hand with my Reynolds pen. But guess he just wasn’t in a good mood and he poked me back rather violently. I got hurt a little (the pinprick puncture had started to bleed) which angered me so much that right then I opened my geometry box, took a compass out and literally stabbed the guy at the back of his hand. Don’t ask me if it came through the other side or not, but somehow it didn’t bleed that much and we started punching and kicking each other. All the class made a circle around us as us two otherwise-saintly students locked horns. I don’t know how long it went for but what I do remember is going back to my desk, wiping the blood off my compass and desk and sitting through the day as if nothing had happened. That qualifies for weird. Moral of the story– I can tear, puncture and peel flesh off people without batting an eyelid. So getting into medicine wasn’t exactly the decision of my head (wink wink)

2. Run for cover

Previews, back cover blurbs, cover photography, titles–Things that I am sure connoisseurs of cinema and books wouldn’t care a damn about, but are the very things that decide what I am going to watch and read next. In fact over the years, I have noticed that my most cherished films and fiction also sport the covers and titles I absolutely fell for at the first sight. Plus, I have found that I can see through even the most manipulatively crafted previews to make out whether its a movie I’ll enjoy or not. And 9 out of 10 times it works. Which is rather weird.

3. Even or Odd?

Given that guys generally are more autistic, it isn’t any surprise that one of my favourite passtimes while sitting everyday in the loo is counting song lyrics to find out if every line or couplet has the same number of words. Yea, its the most braindead things one can do, and there’s absolutely no sense to it. But I have been enjoying it without fail since as far back as I can remember. There are even weirder things I do on random days to keep myself busy while walking–like estimating how many steps it would take me from station to uni and then counting them as I walk, or calculating the number of seconds its been since an event happened. And there even was a time when I had come to believe that *adult alert* j*cking off odd number of times led on to a crappy day (and vice versa).

4. Eight-o-phobia

Now this is what happens when you read Cheiro’s book of numerology when you are all of 9. The legendary astrologer always dropped not-so-subtle hints about how unlucky dates coming to number 8 can be. Or how doomed and/or unreliable people born on these dates/years really are. Coincidence in the following years meant that bad things tended to happen on these very dates (or probably it was just me expecting/interpreting them) until last year when my life did me one better and believe it or not, some of the most crucial days, exams, results, goodbyes, admission numbers, bank passcodes–all added up to number 8. Has this led me to drop my superstition? No way. I hated Fanaa which released on the 26th of May LOL. As you can see, the damage being done here is far deeper.

5. The (un)usual suspects

Yes, quite like everyone else (more like Suyog who tagged me), I have gorged on chalk, raw coriander; hate to read old, yellowed books written in beady times new roman-esque fonts; and as a child I even have, to my credit, getting a newly built greenhouse down of a neighbour by pelting stones (the reason–mom was emptying a decorative fountain and wanted to get rid of a few of them and I was too lazy to go down one floor in the blazing heat of summer afternoon. So I just flung them in the air and every one of them shattered the neighbour’s decidedly big all-glass conservatory. Yes, I could hear something breaking my side of the wall but that didn’t stop me of throwing. Thankfully, they weren’t home and they even set up a neighbourhood enquiry to find the culprit, but as I had grabbed those stones from the porch of a house just three houses down the lane, the battle ensued between the wrong parties. I confessed on having done that many years later when we moved to London, and no matter how disgusted my parents were, they still didn’t mind laughing it off.)

Phew… turns out I am weirder than I thought. Oh well… thanks a ton Suyo (yes, why I sometimes call you that and not Suyog is again weird!) for tagging me.

X-Men Fest!

Finally, a new year resolution I was able to stick to (yes, if resolutions are about having fun, following them is a cakewalk). Amidst the utter chaos and exams, I managed to shell out some time for one of the most popular science fiction movie franchise–The X-Men. And boy, did I have a blast or what! Have tried to pack in a lot in one post but couldn’t help falling for such excellent characters. Yes, I am carried away and if you are ready for some fanship-level indulgence, then Go on… read my gush-a-thon!

X-Men (2000): ****

As an introduction to the homo superior aka mutants, the film rolls off on a rather sombre note as the camera captures a young Polish boy separated from his mother in a Nazi concentration camp. As the boy shouts and stretches for his mother who’s dragged away on the other side of an barbed gate, the gate starts to twist and bend in the direction of boy’s outstretched hand. Conveying the undercurrent of the whole series–discrimination and its repurcussions-couldn’t have been done more effectively.

Cut to the not to distant future and we are introduced to the principals of two mutant groups. One who believes in amiable discussions with humans for social acceptance (Prof X) and the other, who besides not believing in fitting-in with the inferior homo sapiens has a masterplan–to turn every human into a mutant (mutants being the evolution’s answer for gen-next species)–and he’d rather do it with a lot of noise. That’s Magneto for you. Yes, the very same Polish guy who had been victimised as a child in the Nazi world, is out to rewrite history by getting rid of all the discrimination–turning all humans to mutants. Even as a Senator fights in the White House to pass the bill of getting rid of all the mutants.

As the lines are slowly drawn, we are introduced to some brilliantly imagined characters like Rogue (a girl capable of sucking the life-force of anyone she kisses) who then goes on to meet Wolverine (who possesses an adamantium skeleton with inter-knuckle claws that pop out at the mere hint of rage and is almost immortal with his self-healing power), Storm (capable of changing the serenest of skies into a lightning and thunder-filled mess) and Cyclops (a hunk forced to wear goggles to stop the destructive optic blasts from his eyes)

The terrorist side is a little less populated but far more interesting with an aphrodisiacally sensuous blue-skinned diva called Mystique, a growling Sabretooth and a reptilian Toad.

X-men is one helluva joyride thanks to the fights and interactions between all these characters and the two bosses (one super-telepathic and the other a super-magnet). What makes it memorable is how cleverly its edited to be this crisp and smooth thriller that has shockers at every 10 minutes and sequences that tread a very unconventional path all through. You think you can guess how the scene will end but it just won’t. Characters you like will be stabbed, the old hags don’t just do the know-it-all wisdom act but can be horrifyingly testosterone filled and the breakneck pace it all moves in, despite knowing that Mystique can actually morph into anyone, you get surprised everytime she morphs back into her own sleek blue-body-yellow-eyed creature from nowhere.

The menace is unforgiving, the conflict viscerally charging and to top it all–the special effects are some of the sleekest work I have seen from any studio. Sequences like Logan’s raw opening cage-fight, the Senator turned a mutant and then finally melting into absolute water on the operating table, the Toad’s squashing spree, Magneto’s seizing of police’s guns just by flicks of hand and Mystique’s sinister shapeshifting–its fiendishly crazy and yet crazily convincing.

The superb screenplay and direction is complemented by an awesome ensemble of actors. Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart such unbridled authority and natural understanding to their characters, you can’t help believing anything they mouth. Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine is the one “with issues” and this repressed state of mind is brought about easily by him, just like Halle Berry’s Storm manages to be powerful, yet warm.

As the fable of blatantly obvious superheroes who are forced to live in hibernation for not being the dominant species (the physical mutation tagged to them for lifelong discrimination), its utterly convincing and totally entertaining. One of the best science fiction movies ever!

X2: X-Men United (2003): ***

Time to get in some knots now. With Magneto as captive, the X-Men stand united against an impending attempt to obliterate them all. Or do they? With a recent assassination attempt on the President, it seems all isn’t what it seems as a military scientist named Stryker, out on a venegeance mode, can go to any extent to wipe out mutants from the face of the planet.

Visually and acoustically, X2 races ahead of the prequel with jaw-droppingly brilliant CGI. Where do I start? Be it the teleporting NightCrawler who smokes his way through everywhere, or Magneto drawing the iron from guard’s blood and turning it into prison smashing balls and then floating plates, Wolverine’s smart and raw claw-and-nail fight with Lady DeathStrike–the eye-candy is just goosebump-inducing. And then there are the ever so reliable Magneto and Mystique–who do the menacing act with such conniving cheekiness (watch Mystique rudely showing others the “finger” as she gains control of Stryker’s base or Magneto, as he stops the falling X-Jet “When will these people learn how to fly?”), its just too hard not to have some fun while this race of homo superiors strut their stuff.

It also tries to deal a new facet–acceptance of mutants in their families (or rather a complete lack of it) but to be frank, for a 130 minute wham-bam popcorner–it turns a tad too self-important and long-drawn towards the climax. The finale itself is supremely predictable but thankfully is rendered watchable by the technical finesse. Overall though, amidst the labyrinth of the plot, precious little emerges as far as any theme is concerned.

Don’t get me wrong. X2 has some of the best acting, the visuals, the sounds, the fights, and even a little bit of hitherto unseen sequences, but somehow its a little too generic and been-there-seen-that sci-fi that wouldn’t persuade you to watch it a second time easily. Tidy but rather unaffecting fare.

X3: X-Men-The Last Stand (2006): ****

Time to rejoice! With this rock-solid final X-men movie, I would be surprised if this series wouldn’t go down the annals of celluloid sci-fi as one of the most splendid pieces of film-making. Finally something to compete with the LOTR hat-trick of good cinema. And it surprises me the most on passing this verdict, but in almost every sense of the word, the third X-Men is just as good as the first one. Maybe this stems from the fact that I am no nit-picking purist who would moan about how disrespectful its been to the real comic-book characters or what a grave injustice has been done to this and this character. I haven’t read the comics and the only yardstick I had for this third instalment was its preceding two movies. So, pardon my decidedly shallow judgement… but I was blown away by the visuals and the sheer emotion the film packed, and I can’t help but admit it.

The opening sequence for starters. After a flashback of Prof X and Magneto trying to persuade two parents to enter their supremely gifted mutant girl-Jean (who grows up to be Dr Jean Grey as we know from the last two movies and who breathed her last in X2), you have the camera set on an agitated boy struggling alone in a bathroom in what appears to be scratching his back. His father, outside the bathroom, realising something fishy after not getting answered on the nth knock is about to break in. The boy’s sweating with all the work as the camera rolls onto his hand and we see a blood-stained knife. And as his dad’s about to break in, he quickly shuffles many more knives and scissors into a tray. All bloodstained. Until the dad actually breaks in and we see the boy’s back. 10 ruthless perforations at the back of each shoulder–the holes from which the boy’s white feathers come out. He is a MUTANT. The boy shrieks on having found out (it ripped my heart apart, don’t know about others) and the credits start rolling.

I actually was quite surprised as we were again shown a bereaving Cyclops, not realising that one of the dominant threads of X-Men 3 is Resurrection of the Real Jean. Yes, who would have thought that beneath the calm, moderately telekinetic, underdog of a character is hidden the real Jean–the Phoenix, who might have been tamed by Professor X for years, but is now on the verge of unleashing a destruction that no one has ever witnessed. As if Jean wasn’t enough, a new cure for the mutant gene (instant gene therapy in an inoculation!) has been found by the humans. One prick and the powers of mutants dissolve instantly turning them into a normal human. A normal homo sapien. Clearly getting down from the podium of a homo superior isn’t an idea that catches the fancy of any mutant. Which gives another cause for Magneto to form an army, and by promising her everything Professor X couldn’t, get Jean on his side too. The battle-lines get drawn once again and its Wolverine, still deep in love with Jean, to step up and take one last stand.

What completely bowled me over in X-Men 3 was that it had a heart. And a pretty big one at that. Not for a single moment did I feel that any of the deaths of “good” mutants were rushed. They all are brilliantly conceived, sometimes kept silent to compound the effect, and sometimes so cruelly obvious I wished I could turn my eyes away. Maybe this is what happens when you watch the trilogy back to back in 2 days, but I really found them affecting. And then there was the opening wing-cutting scene of young Angel. Also scenes like Rogue joining the queue to get the cure so that she’s able to touch people and have a relationship or the one where when strapped to the chair for an injection of cure, the way Angel opens his wings and burts out of the glass building into the open sky are classily poignant. In neither of the prequels has the camera captured the pathos of fitting in, hiding their true selves or a mutant’s sense of pride and bliss in just the way he or she is. Magnificiently done.

And then there are the special effects. I am telling you one thing– I can watch this movie at double the ticket price just to watch scenes like Magneto walking down the road and turning everything from cars to lorries to junk by mere flicks and slaps in the air. That one scene… the way Ian McKellen walks with the maroon helmet and the works, the sheer display of power is majestic. Not that the other scenes don’t deserve a billing–every scene where Jean unleashes the beast in her is crackling with energy and the one sequence that everyone’s going to talk about… where Magneto rips a whole bridge off and transports it across to the island is so blatantly made-to-impress that one does really gawk at it. The climax is also a piece de resistance with subtle suggestions of Magneto and Professor X being back to where they were. It does a lot to uplift the mood of heavy-hearted fans like me who didn’t want X-Men to finish so soon.

The dialogues remain as sharp, minimal and intelligent as they have always been. The ensemble cast delivers like a dream come true, and Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen and Halle Berry really are in their element. Kelsey Grammer in the hideous all-blue-and-hair Beast incarnate is a likeable addition. Quite contrary to what I’d read in review after review, the overwhelming number of mutants each with their assorted power really accentuates the entertainment factor, rather than interfering with it.

Overall, I personally feel that the last X-Men has more muscle, more sinew, more tension, more anger, more issue than X2. Its not quite as fiendishly unpredictable as X-Men but its just such an involving and entertaining fare, the only thing I found myself whining about was its rather sharply scissored running time. It isn’t quite as short as to leave you feeling shortchanged, but a 15 or so minutes more would have made me end this without this sentence. Still, 3 Whistles and cheers for Brett Ratner from me!

So, get up, grab some popcorn and catch up with the whole series of X-Men NOW!